Is it 4:30 yet?

Madonna, “Papa Don’t Preach”
On: True Blue (1986)
Gee whiz: This song is almost as old as I am….
What the song is about: SHE’S KEEPING HER BABY!!!!! And that’s about all you need to know. There is enough estrogen-fueled determination in the that line to start a movement…In fact, if Madonna hadn’t been the 80’s poster child for blasphemy (“Like a Prayer”) and whoredom (“Like a Virgin”), I bet this track would have served (and actually, still could serve) as a the definitive theme for pro-life rallies nationwide.
Why I’m listening to it: This is usually the Madge track I cite when I have to defend her vocal capabilities to someone (like today). She can sing dammit! She can! Seriously, listen to her shred her cords when she throws her song dad the line “the one you told me all about, the one you said I could do without”. And next time you are singing in your shower, try to hit the high notes in, “but I made up my miiiiiiinnnndddd, IIIIIIIII…….” I’ve tried and failed, and I bet you will too. But, as my friend Lynn would say, Madonna raped those notes!!!. Bitch has got skills. Not legendary skills, but skills nonetheless. It’s just hard to notice them because, you know, her coochie is always hanging out.
Best line: “WE ARE IN LOVE!!!!! SO PLEEEEAAAASEEE!”

Guess who's not working?

Hall & Oats, “Nothing at all”
On: Daryl Hall and John Oats (1975)
What the song is about: D-Hall (I can call him that, right?) and his woman are sooooo over it. In fact, they’ve become so dispassionate about their relationship that they can’t even fight anymore. Oooh…time to bounce.
Why I’m listing to it: H&O are my personal standard for blue-eyed soul. I enjoy their music—honest and truly, without an ounce of hipster irony. If I go along with popular theory, DH&JO is the duo’s most famous album, probably due to the inclusion of the classic track “Sara Smile” and the “oh my God, are those trannies?” cover art. But “Nothing at all” is the real gem to me. It's such a glorious kiss-off song. Hall is pretty much giving his woman the middle finger, but his sweet, velvety vocals make it seem like a hug.
Best lyric: “Tiiiiiiiiiime has a way of lessening lo-o-ove/You know that's truuuuuuuuue/So don't bother listening anymore darling/ (CUE FALSETTO) 'Cause I'm writing my last song about youuuuuuuuuuu” Yet another case of trite lyrics going from 0 to 100 because of awesome vocals.